Pitch Black
by Archangel Barton
Summary: For years he had been living in a pitch black world and tonight, Jubei contemplates on how his blindess made him see life better. My first GB fic. [JubeixKazuki Oneshot Fiction]


Title: Pitch Black  
  
Author: Archangel  
  
Pairing: JubeixKazuki  
  
Rating: General  
  
Genre: Drama, Sap  
  
Disclaimers: GetBackers is not mine neither are its characters.  
  
A/N: This is going to be my first GetBackers fic - for the love of this ML, Jubei Kakei and Kazuki Fuchoin. I really had a hard time thinking about a plot but on this one certain day of looking at a blank MS Word document, it suddenly popped out. This is dedicated to everyone at JubeixKazuki ML.  
  
Some vocabulary for those who might not know:   
  
[*] 'Matte' - wait.   
  
[*] 'Onegai' - please.   
  
[*] 'Oyasumi' - Good night.  
  
Spoilers: If you do not like some heavy drama (well I think this is very emotional, which is my writing style BTW) you could just browse and cater to your needs. This is a self-drama fic. Nice ending though…I never write fics with my fave pairs not ending up together.  
  
Pitch Black by Archangel  
  
Jubei's POV  
  
"Kazuki! Kazuki!" He walks away…far, very far.  
  
I call out for him, "Kazuki! Matte yo, Kazuki!" He wouldn't stop.  
  
"Matte, Kazuki!" I reach for him…but I couldn't. "Kazuki!"  
  
"Onegai, Kazuki!" He wouldn't stop. He wouldn't turn around…  
  
Ground? I stumbled. "Kazuki…"  
  
Tears. I'm crying? "Bring me with you, Kazuki."  
  
But…he's gone…it's dark. "Kazuki!"  
  
* * *  
  
"K'so." A dream? No, a nightmare.   
  
"Kazuki…" I hear myself say.   
  
I hear myself calling out his name. "Kazuki…"  
  
Its night, I know. Though all I see is darkness, I'm sure I can tell. I've been groping in the dark for 2 years now. How can't I know these kind of things?  
  
Though I know its night, it's not easy to get some sleep. Though all I see is a solid shade of black and I've been living in this pitch black world for years, somehow when I think about Kazuki, I can't sleep.  
  
Maybe because I miss Kazuki…  
  
Or maybe because I need Kazuki…  
  
Perhaps it's because I love Kazuki…  
  
There are a lot of memories running through my head…all are memories of Kazuki.  
  
"K'so. I can't sleep."   
  
It's all dark but I can't get myself to slumber. I reached for my eyes, covered by this cloth…it makes darkness well known to me. This blindness…well known to me.  
  
The last thing I ever saw were Kazuki's tears. And God knows how much I regretted having brought such tears to him. I was bound to protect Kazuki. I was born for it. [1] But what did I do? I hurt him bad. I wasn't able to protect Kazuki, his heart, his fragile emotions. I failed my destiny, I failed my dream, I failed my self for not being strong enough to protect the important people…the most important person, Kazuki Fuchoin. [2]  
  
He cried, I know. Those tears were the last thing I ever saw. And for that, I knew I deserved all of this. All this blindness, yes, I deserved every single bit of it.  
  
To fumble around darkness for the past two years…what had happened to me?  
  
It hurt me the most when Kazuki had to leave Mugenjou. Yet no matter how much I try to convince Kazuki to take me with him on his personal journey, he never agreed. He never gave in.   
  
He said that he needed to finish some important things.   
  
He said that I was needed in the city.   
  
He said that the people needed to be protected and I alone can do that with my skill and power.   
  
He said I had to stay…for Mugenjou.  
  
He was humane. He was considerate. But at that time, he failed to consider that I too needed him.  
  
But what could I do? Whatever Kazuki says is what should be done. I am chained to his words, chained to his longings, chained to his wants…I'm chained to him completely. Ever since.  
  
From the moment I saw that child playing with the strings, I was immediately drawn to him who at first I thought was a girl. But it was Kazuki, a boy clad in a kimono practicing femininity. He was a boy for God's sake but…I never changed my mind. I was attracted to Kazuki Fuchoin.  
  
And every single day, each moment that passes by between us, I knew I was falling deeper.  
  
But I never cared about the consequences. I never even dared to think about them. I only did my job better, because not only am I protecting him for merely fulfilling my duty. I was protecting him because later in our lives, I'll be telling him something.  
  
And no matter how much I protest on Kazuki's departure, there was no way to stop him.   
  
After all, I was only a friend.  
  
He promised me he would come back soon after his work was done. But he never came back…for so long. He never even visited…for so long.  
  
He made me wait…for so long. And I was not born to wait.   
  
I was born to be with Kazuki.   
  
I was blinded by the insecurity that he might have forgotten about me. Burning with rage was I who thought that he might not return. I was furious that he might have met somebody else, married and gone into oblivion.  
  
Had he died? No, I did not believe in that. Kazuki was strong enough to protect himself, that I am so sure of. Though that did not make sense knowing that I was born to protect Kazuki.  
  
Soon, desperation called and it summoned me. True enough, I believed that Kazuki would not have returned if not for Makubex who threatened to destroy the entire city he once swore to protect.  
  
I've waited enough and I refuse to let time pass to a point of yet another uncertainty. I was already enveloped with fears, with doubts, had I needed more?   
  
I joined Makubex in his plan to bargain with men from Babylon City with a hope that if Makubex was right about his theory on the secret of Mugenjou, I would know where to find Kazuki.   
  
If it's not true, I knew then that Makubex would create a commotion and it would certainly bring Kazuki back. He's humane and considerate after all.   
  
And with all that I had nothing to lose.  
  
Makubex wanted loyalty, he tested my loyalty. He gave me a destiny that I chose to accept as I was completely eaten by fury…I was destined by Makubex to fight Kazuki.  
  
Though I must admit, I wanted to hurt him…to tell Kazuki through pain that I too had suffered without him. Yet with every swing of my arms as I let go of those needles that bore a hole in his delicate body, I felt the sting of those needles back, making a hole in my heart.  
  
I felt the pain as I saw him shatter into pieces…as I hear him scream in agony.  
  
And what could a man like me do? As I had expected of myself, I surrendered. In the finality of a death-defying battle, I again succumbed to Kazuki. Not just once, not even twice…but as always.  
  
Back in our Fuga [3] days, people always commented on how weak I was to have only reached second best in the gang. How foolish those people are to have thought that way. They do not know why I chose to be on his back ever since. They do not know why I had contented myself with only second best.  
  
I did that because I chose to protect Kazuki. [4] I dared not to fight him in a useless battle to broadcast my skill for a reason that I chose not to hurt him. Because in truth, no matter how one may look at it, even if they try to turn things inside out…though I felt anger towards Kazuki at one point in my life, I loved him. And I still do. And I felt that wrath because I missed him terribly. And I had to go through all that pain in order to get him back.   
  
  
  
And I had gone through hell and back just to see Kazuki again.   
  
It's like selling my soul to the Devil himself.  
  
And for that I knew I never deserved goodness which was Kazuki Fuchoin. Neither did I deserve to be looked upon by an angel like him. I was not worthy to be cried upon by him nor was he to be pained by me. I did not deserve such tears and agony from Kazuki's eyes, from Kazuki's heart.  
  
And I thought that I had better shut off my vision because nothing is more painful than to see Kazuki Fuchoin crying over a useless man which was me.  
  
From then on, I groped in the darkness. All was pitch black.  
  
I suffered in anguish for having hurt the one I swore my whole life to protect. I suffered on the thought that I had inflicted pain upon the person I was destined to cure. I was frenzied by the fact that I almost inflicted death upon the person I was born to keep alive…yet he was there.  
  
Kazuki was always there.  
  
He was always there even if I didn't want to. Because how can I deserve such kindness? How can I be worthy to be taken cared of by this person, knowing for a fact that I almost killed him?  
  
Yet Kazuki was Kazuki. His words were the law.  
  
He was the rule…and he always ruled over me.   
  
He never parted with me. He kept me alive. And though hurt as I was, I knew back then that Kazuki and I were merely friends. Because no matter how feminine he was brought up way back when we were kids and no matter how much love I tried to hide from him, he would never agree on something that I always wanted. He would never consent on something that I always dreamt for us to be.  
  
Yet my heart never tires when it came to him. Though sometimes I wish to all the gods it did, for I felt so much pain for having to stay behind him for all times knowing that there's a big wall of difference between us. Yet my heart never gives up when it comes to Kazuki. At the spring bath not so long after Mujengou had been saved, I had the courage in my heart to fulfill a dream I kept from our childhood…that someday, when we got older, I'll be strong enough to tell him something.  
  
That is, I would tell him how much I loved him…ever since.  
  
And I did. I succeeded in my dream. I told him I loved him, ever since.   
  
I told him I waited, ever since.  
  
I told him I wanted us, ever since.  
  
But he said we are friends…ever since.  
  
All that affection, all that sweetness we shared on that night…it was nothing but mere friendship for Kazuki. And I thought it was something else. And that thought gave me the courage I needed to speak up. And I did, I swear I did.  
  
I did tell him I love him. I did tell him I waited. I did tell him what I wanted…  
  
But it was nothing for him.  
  
And all was still pitch black.  
  
I thought I saw light but then I was mistaken…it was still pitch black.  
  
And it hurts so much to hide all the tears behind cloth-closed blind eyes…because even if my eyes were concealed, we both know I was crying my heart out.  
  
Kazuki left again. Me? I waited, as expected. Even when Kazuki was gone I knew this love I had for him still remained. I knew there was nothing to wait for because he made it clear, he declined my affections…but then I sit in this darkness and waited. Uncertainty again? I did not care. I was still madly in love. [5]  
  
But destinies are destinies. I was bound to meet Kazuki one more time.   
  
Makubex was kidnapped by some scumbags who dared the Devil for death. And true enough they were scumbags, because there was Toshiki Uryu, an ex-Fuga member…   
  
I knew ever since that he made friends with Kazuki because he liked him. How can I not tell that when I loved Kazuki? I was so sure about that. But Kazuki was blissful that he met new friends and how can I spoil that smile? How can I taint that pure happiness in Kazuki's face? I didn't have the heart to do that.  
  
And so I became a man of honor and accepted a silent challenge from Toshiki. A handshake along with heated glare. A tension I tried to create in order to intimidate Toshiki. I dare not to lose Kazuki in the hands of someone as useless as he was who now dared to kill Kazuki for a reason I never knew till later.  
  
In that battle, I again risked my life in order to save the man I was destined to protect and Toshiki hated me for it. And though I was blind, that time I clearly saw the light. I knew why Toshiki wanted revenge. It never really mattered much for the mission he was in, but it was revenge for Kazuki who chose me over him and trying to settle the score with me who won Kazuki over him.  
  
We fell off the cliff, I felt the gravity…I felt a virtual reality but I knew one actuality - Kazuki loved me.  
  
And though all was still in pitch black paradoxically I see clearly.  
  
I see more visibly…unmistakably…  
  
"Na, Jubei…you're awake?" I felt Kazuki shifted from his sleeping position. I must say that before, we never got to be this close. But after all the waiting and pain of having to swim through a sea of uncertainties, I got the chance to indulge into this comfort of having Kazuki right here…not behind him like before, but by his side.  
  
I answered his question though a tight embrace. He knew me too well to know what I was trying to say. Something akin to the words 'I love you, Kazuki'.  
  
"What were you thinking?" He asked once more.  
  
"Just recollecting the times." I replied.  
  
Though I can't see, I feel his questioning look upon me and I can't help but smile and say, "I was thinking of how much I waited for this day to come and I think that you're lucky to have me…"  
  
"Hey, I guess that's too much self-confidence, eh?"  
  
"I'm not finished yet," I said giving him a peck on his forehead, "You're lucky to have me just as I am lucky to finally have you."  
  
And I felt the smile in his face and the joy in his heart. I too felt the same.  
  
And thinking of all pain and suffering made me realize one thing - I groped in a pitch black world and in fact, I still do. But ironically, tonight…I see more clearly…more than ever.   
  
Because when I had my sight, I failed to see what was right, but now that I'm blind…sitting in a world in shades of black, I saw what I needed to see…I felt what I needed to feel. And it was nothing…no one but the man beside me.  
  
And I started to love all this pitch black darkness in me.  
  
"Oyasumi, Kazuki."  
  
The End!  
  
________________________  
  
[1] Taken from the lines 'Don't worry, Kazuki. I'll protect you absolutely. I was born for it.' - Jubei  
  
[2] Taken from the lines 'I'm going to be strong. I'm going to be strong to protect the important people.' - Jubei.  
  
[3] Fuga - their gang back then. Even before VOLTS.  
  
[4] I got this from epi19 when Hevn said Kazuki can beat ex-VOLTS members no matter who it could be, then someone said that Jubei chose to be on second place because he chose to protect Kazuki not because Kazuki beat him in a fight. - Nice, eh?  
  
[5] From this point on, I am not sure it this is what happened in the series. It's all made up, ok? So don't blame me.  
  
April 22, 2004  
  
[12:30 AM - 3:33 AM] 


End file.
